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davidahallnum5
Jul 179 min read

Jaws 3 3D Blu-ray Review

MOVIE REVIEW

Jaws 3 is a 1983 SeaWorld commercial tie-in with the Jaws franchise about a shark who manages who to get into SeaWorld and screws things for the staff and the paying tourists. There's also a young Dennis Quaid and Lea Thompson's in there somewhere. But do you even really care?

Just a few weeks ago, thanks to the Flashback Cinema program, I was able to see the original 1975 classic Jaws again on the big screen and was reminded once again how much of a 5/5 star movie it is. It's simple enough to be understood yet contains enough thoughtfully constructed terror and engaging characters to hold up on multiple viewings. It's such a good movie you'd be forgiven for forgetting about Jaws's 3 mediocre sequels. I've only seen each film once before many years ago and none of them stuck with me. Alas, my blog specializes in 3D reviews. So when I saw the 3D conversion of the original Jaws back in 2022, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have to move onto the infamous Jaws 3-D, a film that exists for seemingly no other reason than to advertise SeaWorld as a wondrous oceanic wonderland where you could get eaten by a great white shark AND to push the 3D as much as possible. I'll discuss the later one in greater detail in the 3D review. But ignoring that, how is the story overall?

Well, on one hand, I guess it'd be unfair to compare this film to the original Jaws as that film really did capture lightning in a bottle. And I've given passes to films in the past like Inside Out 2 and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 which did try even if they fell short of their predecessors. But on the other hand, if Jaws 3 is meant to be looked at as another average summer blockbuster, it's an embarrassment to the Jaws name. The first film is known today as "the first summer blockbuster." But it's clearly more than that. It is the bar for summer blockbusters that even today, I've seen very few films pass. It's like comparing Top Gun: Maverick to The Meg 2. Both are meant to be enjoyable summer films for teens, but one clearly knows how to create something of genuine artistic quality while the other is mainly looked upon by most as a "one-timer." Same thing is with Jaws 3. If it wanted to be another shark movie, but in 3D and at SeaWorld, I'd be fine with that. And honestly, the film already has so little to do with the first film it might as well be. But the first movie reached such highs that any other film carrying its name in the title, even if it doesn't live up to the original, should at least try. Jaws 3 just doesn't, and thus, it's objectively quite offensive.

Ok, let's say you want to enjoy the film as a simple, disposable summer flick. Is there any entertainment value to be had? I would say yes, but not in the way in the movie probably intended. Now to be fair, there are actually a couple things about Jaws 3 that I found to be better than I was expecting. Firstly, the shark encounters, when the effects weren't atrocious, did at least create some degree of suspense that kept me engaged. And the score accompanying them was, at least in my opinion, genuinely pretty good. Even if neither the characters nor the plot were particularly memorable, the movie still kept itself at a 90 minute runtime, so I can't really say I got that bored watching it.

That's about it, though, as far as what I enjoyed unironically about the film. There's still plenty to have fun with, but it's found more in what the film gets wrong rather than what it gets right. The visual effects have to be the biggest example of this. While the animatronic shark here is probably more convincing than the one from 1975, the shoddy blue screen and awkward CGI are beautifully horrendous. And because they're really trying to push the 3D every chance they get, that shoddy blue screen and awkward CGI will sometimes just linger there for an extended period of time. I'll get more onto the 3D effects in the 3D review below. But let me just say, they're as forced and cheesy as they come. If there was any story here, they would've completely taken me out of it. I know many people these days complain about how 3D in most modern movies is done so subtly that they don't even know if it's worth the ticket price. Well, that's because most directors these days know about what exists on the side of spectrum, stuff like this. The good news is, because Jaws 3 is already overly dumb, and somewhat desperate film, the over-the-top 3D doesn't really take anything away from it.

Even viewed without the 3D, the film's complete submission to the gimmick, at the expense of convincing visual effects and a compelling story, is just so mesmerizing it must be seen to be believed. Besides that, unless you're a die-hard SeaWorld fan, or die-hard SeaWorld hater who wants to see its inhabitants attacked by sharks, there's nothing much here to latch onto. The plot here is cliched and derivative, and its are characters no different. None the less, I do give it a recommendation; certainly not because the film is all that gripping or has much going on beneath the surface, but for the same reason that I recommend The Room or Birdemic: Shock and Terror: it's all because of the spectacle. It's not good spectacle, in fact it's a disgrace to the original film that's either cheap, expired entertainment at best and another nail in the coffin to a franchise with an extraordinary start at worst. But if you want something dumb and cheesy to riff on with your friends MST3K style, Jaws 3 just about fits the bill.


As a SeaWorld advertisement, though, I'd be lying to say it's anything less than pure brilliance. In fact, you could even call it the spiritual prequel to Blackfish if you'd like.


OVERALL FILM RATING: 1.5/5

RATING AS A SEAWORLD ADVERTISTMENT: 5/5


3D REVIEW

I suppose it would be really hard for me to give you an idea of what type of 3D Jaws 3-D has in store without delving into the time period in which it came out. Apparently, during the 80s, 3D made a brief comeback since its brief time in the 50s. Just like the in the 50s, the stuff that was coming out like Treasure of the Four Crowns and Comin' At Ya was clearly using its 3D in order to justify the ticket price. But whereas 50s films like It Came From Outer Space and Creature from the Black Lagoon used both in-screen depth and screen protrusion to its advantage, the 80s 3D fair at the time was primarily focused on trying to throw as much out at you as possible, and with such extreme parallax too. If you thought that 3D nowadays can be pretty shallow, the 80s are the complete opposite situation. In the case of Jaws 3-D, it works to its cheese factor superbly and makes the third dimension a must-have for anyone checking the film out at all, but it also makes the experience less than easy on the eyes.

My goodness. Just like Sharkboy and Lavagirl or Spy Kids 3-D, it'd be easier to go into what doesn't protrude the screen in this film. In almost every scene, even when the camera isn't zooming heavily in on something in gimmicky fashion, there's always something in front of the screen. This can be people's heads, pieces of the environment, water, random body parts, fish, and even dolphins. But of course, it's in the stuff that the film intentionally throws in your direction that makes the 3D worth the price. Jaws 3-D literally starts out with a floating fish head that floats towards you for about 30 seconds. And the even the opening credits font allows the words to not just come out of the screen a lot, but also go pretty far back into it, even if in some shots, it blends into somebody. When the film gets started, a lot of the most notable pop outs involves everything from arrows going between your eyes to a couple shots of a spearhead, a needle that squirts poison at you, a coral reef with a crab crawling on it, a woman trying to melt your eyes with a welding gun, a corpse head, a severed arm, a fake eel, a statue of a snake's tongue, the shark itself (especially in a shot where it breaks through glass and miraculously sits still despite the water rushing into the room), and SPOILER WARNING a bloody explosion that send shark parts at you and his pair of jaws hold right in front of you END SPOILERS.

The film makes a great deal about what it puts in front of the screen. But there is actually a good amount of depth inside the screen too, working to make indoor laboratories and structures feel spacious, making the environment of SeaWorld feel bigger and immersive, giving off some neat underwater shots reminiscent of some shots from the first film, as well as some neat over the water shots that occasionally involve fog, and has good views involving crowds of people that make the 3D more effective than just throwing stuff out at you all the time.

That all being said, the 3D itself, while technically used in ways that sound fun on paper, is also plagued with many different issues. Remember that "extreme parallax" I mentioned earlier? Well, a lot like Spy Kids 3-D and Sharkboy and Lavagirl, the 3D sometimes gets so strong that the eyes not only become unable to make sense of the image when something gets thrown out at you, but the eyes also get extraordinarily strained trying to do so. Your eyes even gets strained sometimes during normal shots where people are just simply standing there in a room talking just because they stick out so much. And there were even a few moments where the amount of depth the background had caused me health problems.

Parallax aside, the 3D here is just pretty poorly handled overall. The right eye view puts everything above the left eye a good amount. There are moments involving reflections and lights that appear in one eye view but not in the other, the left eye view typically has less grain than the right eye view, and the lighting of the environment also remains inconsistent between the eye views in some shots. These issues don't exactly bog the 3D down beyond redemption. But they can range from distracting to physically hard to watch at times.

So all things considered, the 3D in Jaws 3-D is a bit of a mixed bag. I give the film an "ok" rating here not because the experience is just "fine" like with Pirates: Band of Misfits, but because the good and bad are in such extremes that they cancel each other out. True, the creators are using the 3D, which at times can be fun and even mesmerizing at times, with such strong depth. But it's also because of that strong depth and some oversights on the 3D production that the experience overall leaves you a little cross-eyed. I get this was the 80s and constant pop outs were the name of the game for 3D during this time. But the lengths that Jaws 3-D goes at times sometimes goes beyond what I believe an eye doctor would recommend to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I still recommend this version of the film for anyone seeking to watch Jaws 3 at all. I say if you're going to swim in this cheese-fest, you have to dive headfirst into it. But I also say do at least know what you're headed into before you do so. It's technical issues might just swallow you whole.


3D RATING: OK


OTHER SOURCES THAT REVIEW THIS MOVIE'S 3D






FINAL THOUGHTS


I guess like all things in life, you're enjoyment of Jaws 3-D will probably vary with your perspective. If you approach it as a sequel to the greatest shark movie of all time, of course you're going to come out disappointed. But if you choose to look at it as a campy 80s flick with some atrocious effects and so-bad-it's-good moments, chances are you'll probably have a fun time ripping it apart with your friends. If you belong to the latter category, I recommend picking up and watching the 3D version as you'll be taking in all the gimmicky spectacle Jaws 3 has to offer. If you care for your eyes, though, I wouldn't blame you for selecting the 2D version. Either way, Jaws 3-D is dumb, flashy, and cheesy to max. Take that how you will.


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